What matters?

People matter. How we treat people matters. How we treat all people matters. How we respect and treat those with whom we are close, say we love, those whom we encounter at arms length, and those we will not encounter at all, matters. 

It matters much.

How we treat others mirrors what we think (or don’t think) of ourselves.  

How we treat those with whom we disagree matters as least as much as how we treat those whom we claim to love. 

How we treat people, near, far, loved, known, unknown, different, current family, former family, those on the other side of the political aisle, is a litmus test on our spirituality. 

It’s a test of our holiness –wellbeing – if we claim to represent a faith or not. 

Human encounters are holiness-checks, biopsies of our integrity, no matter who we are or what positions we hold – megachurch pastor or atheist, billionaire or penniless.  

How we treat all others says nothing whatsoever about others. How we treat others is a window – a large open window – revealing volumes about us, no matter how hard we may try to keep it closed, barred, blackout curtains taped shut. 

How we treat people matters for many reasons, one being it mirrors the love and respect we have for ourselves. 

We love others as we love ourselves. 

The same is true for hate, rejection, and contempt.

To love another person unconditionally is possible, but at times, I find it a bit of a stretch. 

There is no doubt I love my sons, and I have said, unconditionally. By this I mean that my response to them is to love them no-matter-what. 

No matter what they do, say, become, I have decided my response will be to love each of them and their wives. 

But, and here is what I mean by “easier said than done.” In moments of conflict or disagreement, or when either son or I am stubborn and unreasonable beyond belief, unconditional love is not what I feel. I get annoyed and short-tempered and want to say things I will regret. 

When I am not doing well (emotionally, psychologically, physically – and in any other way I have not listed) I am tempted to mix a few conditions into my love. 

I want to make it into a deal or a trade. 

Thankfully, this is not a permanent place for me – I usually get over things fairly quickly – and then unconditional love, reason, logic and good sense are able to re-enter my thinking and I am able to restore my belief in my own unconditional love. 

All of the above, I am glad to say, occurs within me and it is seldom my sons are even aware of the little war that occurs in my head when I am tempted to import a few hurdles into my love and therefore make it conditional. 

While I hope you will see elements of playfulness in my list, almost all of the following test our resolve and our capacity to hold onto ourselves. Some require us ot mind our own business. A few of the following can indeed be learned, practised and perfected. Others require a large dose of self-control, humility and faith.

A baker’s dozen of things that are easier said than done:

• Love someone unconditionally.
• Hold onto your unsolicited opinion or guidance as you watch your children (all ages) make what you think are mistakes.
• Put a tent or a sleeping bag into its original packaging after use. 
• Quell the urge to rescue your children (any ages) when they are troubled or are in trouble.
• Stand up to authority and power when doing so may threaten your well-being or security.
• Successfully fold a fitted sheet.
• Find the humility to apologies when you know you’ve been wrong.
• One-upping someone’s story with something better or more dramatic.
• Changing a duvet cover without help.
• Listening to someone’s medical woes.
• Forgive and forget.
• Telling a friend that he or she’s probably in an unhealthy relationship, but it’s blind to it. 
• Lose weight, keep it lost.

Feeling nervous or down about the future?

I am no property developer or engineer but I know a crane when I see one. They are everywhere. Cranes mean construction and ambitious investment. This non-engineer knows high rise cranes waving from above, dominating the skyline, is a really good sign.

I’m no banker or economist. What I do know is jampacked multiple international planes touching down daily in major South African hubs from dozens of international hubs is fabulous for the economy. Every over-crowded South African immigration arrival hall with slow moving switchback queues lines at passport control means nationwide healthy financial infusions.

I am no sociologist but when families of every hue and language, business colleagues, reward groups, tourists groups, collide to enjoy the nation’s  incredible selection of prized locations: vineyards, game parks, all-inclusive hotels and resorts, sports venues, and natural wonder view sights, it’s a good sign. Upmarket restaurants are often fully booked months ahead, superb franchises buzz with activity and spectacular malls (some of the best on the planet) suggest a healthy and vibrant economy. 

I am no city planner but I do know that when major cities struggle with traffic congestion and armies of taxis jostle to load and off-load passengers and ride-share drivers are readily available and efficient something good is happening. 

Raise your glasses, South Africa; your vital signs appear to me, are bursting with life and vitality. 

Remember, look for the cranes. 

Cheers!

Forgiveness is freely offered and given or it is not forgiveness. 

“I will forgive you if……” is a deal or a trade. 

Authentic forgiveness has no strings attached. 

This is part (only a part) of the reason forgiveness is so powerful and demands such courage of the person who forgives. 

Add a condition and it becomes something else. That “something else” may be perfectly acceptable to all parties but attach a condition and it is not forgiveness. 

Generosity is freely offered and given or it is not generosity. 

“I am going to give you (money, time, a gift) but you must use it to…….” is not generosity. 

It’s a purchase of something declared or undeclared. 

Generosity comes with no strings attached. 

This is part of the reason (only a part) authentic generosity is rare and demands courage of those who exercise authentic generosity.  

Add a condition and it becomes something else. That “something else” may be perfectly acceptable to all parties but it is not generosity. 

Kindness is only kindness when it is freely given and is without imposed expectations between givers and receivers.  

“I will be kind so they can’t refuse my request,” is not kindness. 

It is manipulation. Kindness has no strings attached. 

Authentic kindness seeks and expects no return. 

Add a condition and it becomes something else. That “something else” may be perfectly acceptable to all parties but it is not pure kindness.  

This morning at 6:30am — over the Indian Ocean