People love to love and be loved.

Yes, all people.

Freely given love, love with no strings attached, no reward sought by those who set out to love is wildly attractive even to the most hardened of persons.

Such love heals and transforms. It heals and transforms those who find it and are able to trust it (which may take some time) and those who have the confidence to pass it on to others, all others.

Loving others takes enormous courage.

No matter who we are, poor, rich, educated, uneducated, men and women of all nations and languages, all ethnic or religious groups and those with none, have the capacity to love and be loved.

The hard events that come to most people and the brutal toils of life many face may render a person indifferent to loving and being loved.

Even this shell will ultimately shatter in the midst of persevering and freely offered love.

Love drives out fear. Love builds confidence. Love encourages creativity. Love builds community. Love gives each of us a measure of Grace for ourselves and for each other. Love melts defenses.

Fear expels love. Indifference builds suspicion and isolation. Fear stimulates anxiety, reactivity. Fear and anxiety isolates and imprisons people. Alienation makes us demonize and make enemies of others.

Love welcomes.

Love heals.

It’s a beautiful morning in Cape Town South Africa. 

The sun is streaming through a Muizenberg window and, while coffee is brewing, I’ve packed for an overnight flight to New York.

Yesterday I rose early, picked up a friend and we drove to Cape Agulhas, the southernmost point of the African continent, about a 2.5 hour drive from Muizenberg. 

We strolled the beach road with others who wanted to be furthest south on the magnificent continent, then returned for lunch at a beautiful restaurant on the main road through the small town. 

The service, the setting, the everything, was magnificent.

A remarkable thing about South Africa is that everywhere the service is wonderful. There are friendly people everywhere and all encounters are typified with people willing to chat and who are eager to tell you their story. 

Thank you, South Africa. I’ve had a wonderful two weeks divided between Durban and Cape Town following my visit to the beautiful town of Kilimanjaro, Tanzania. 

South Africa, I remain overwhelmed at the welcome I witness to all visitors and marvel at your lively, raging economy. 

I am aware of my privilege. I’m aware of my limited taste of this vast continent.

My recent experiences in seven African nations, one being the land of my birth, I’m yet to have an experience that suggests that Africa is a “Dark Continent”, a place where fear is to be embodied, a reputation often prevalent and useful to perpetuate in and by the so-called West.  

When your loved ones, friends, neighbours annoy you, trigger you, dig a little deeper.

Stop a while.

Do a little heart-search, contemplate the context, let it run, see where it leads.

You may expose and uncover the genesis of your discomfort or annoyance and, as a result, be able to manage yourself a little better and offer yourself a little more self-love and understanding when such triggers return. And they will.

It’s probably not what you have concluded it is.

Your presented reasons, as real as they may be, may be a welcome mat urging you to re-visit matters thus unresolved within you.

A little self-research may uncover something within which well-precedes the unsettling or discomforting encounters you “enjoy” with your loved ones, friends or neighbours – these situations which, on occasion, send you into a tirade, internal or external, large or small.

Your response to a triggering comment, the dishes left in the sink, the simple, routine unfinished tasks which set you off, may well be a reasonable and appropriate response to something immediate that can be addressed and fixed in the immediate. It may also be a ticket to embark on an internal journey into unfinished business which holds a key to your unaddressed traumas awaiting your permission to be lanced and released forever.

Legend holds “things run in threes.”

How deep, widespread or embedded the belief is unknown, but waiting for the third “shoe to drop” or the news of a third illness or accident is somewhat common.

Such legends, when repeated, can breed and spread fear, put people on edge, heighten awareness until the fear becomes self-fulfilling.

Addictions too, I believe, run in threes. They recruit company. The person addicted to alcohol is probably also into excessive gambling and nicotine, or pornography and gambling, or….. and the list goes on and on.

On a brighter note, strengths too, I believe run in threes.

Strengths, self-improvements, personal transformations, too, are contagious, they inspire and “grow” each other until they spread and it becomes possible to lose count.

The forgiving man or woman is predictably generous and hospitable.

The insightful person is probably strongly intuitive and will display healthy boundaries.

People who care for their health and well-being are likely to encourage others to do the same, or, simply by witnessing their efforts and positive results, others are likely to follow suit.

Givers inspire others to give.

Forgivers inspire others to do the same.

Agents of grace stimulate others toward committing acts of grace.

Kindness begets grace and kindness.

What will you spread today?

Forgiving all others (no matter what) and self-forgiveness (no matter what) are often hurdles for many people to clear.

The latter is often more difficult than the former.

“You want me to make him free after what he did to me? Really,” someone may appeal, “he deserves to suffer.”

“Forgive myself? Deciding I am free after all I have done? I cannot forgive myself after the hurt I have caused. I deserve the regret and guilt. I need to suffer,” summarizes sentiments I have repeatedly heard.

Both responses (sometimes coming from the same person) leaves the speaker burdened, unresolved, unsettled. It leaves the speaker burdened, often year-in and year-out.

Is that you?

Setting others free, scores unsettled, giving oneself the grace to embrace mutual imperfections, in order to move closer toward embracing ourselves and others, while being imperfect,  increases our capacity (yours and mine) to treat others and ourselves with greater compassion and increased empathy.

The forgiver forgives for his or her sake to find freedom, peace of mind.

People often find it easier and are more ready to forgive others than they are to forgive themselves. I hope you will be able and willing to do both.

And, I hope the same for me.