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Faith
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Nine things worthy of pursuit…..
31 May 2010 by Rod Smith / 5 Comments
1. To be the most generous person you know.
2. To hold everything you own with an open hand.
3. To share everything you know with willingness.
4. To do all you can to empower the people within your circle of influence.
5. To be able to say “yes” more than “no” to the adventures that come your way (Ed Friedman)
6. To have the capacity to “see beyond” the limitations set by your family history, your nationality, and your faith story.
7. To be able to live within your means.
8. To embody forgiveness, freedom, and grace for all who will repeatedly and naturally attempt to sabotage you as you live your full and passionate life.
9. To embrace your dark side (everyone has one) by trying to understand it, accept it so that it will not need to push itself onto your center-stage and take you by surprise in response to your denial of its presence.June 1st, 2010: Today our journey to Australia and Singapore begins. Traveling in the USA used to be a pleasure. Now it is usually a nightmare: no food on domestic flights, heavy security, frequent flight cancellations, lots of impatient “entitled” people. You can only imagine what all this means to my two boys! Hoping for two successful connections: Chicago and San Francisco.
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How to fight with those you love….
23 May 2010 by Rod Smith / 5 Comments
“Rules of engagement” for conflict between friends and lovers and members of the family:
1. We fight to love each other more powerfully while understanding that conflict is sometimes necessary to remove or negotiate our way around natural restrictions that come in the way of all love.
2. We fight to better understand each other and because some deeply seated beliefs and positions are only clarified through benign conflict.
3. We do not fight to hurt, damage, or destroy but rather to clarify thinking, to define ourselves more clearly, and therefore, to see each other more fully.
4. When we fight we do not bring old issues into the fray, triangle others onto our side, or hide behind Scripture or other sacred writing.
5. When we fight we do not use stereotypes about men or women, race, creed, culture, or nationality.
6. We put a time limit on our conflicts, agreeing that the necessary conflict will not pervade every part of our relationship. Troubles in parts of our relationship do not need to contaminate the whole.
7. When we fight we will always give each other the benefit of the doubt, the offer of complete forgiveness, and an open dialogue free of cynicism, sarcasms, and retribution.
8. We will agree to disagree, respect our differences, and embrace our similarities. (From Gail S. Gibbons)
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Letter to a young dad….
15 Feb 2010 by Rod Smith / No Comments
Durban’s own Grant Fraser (former Durban City soccer star) wrote to me this week. Celebrating the joys of parenting of his infant daughter triggered his reminiscing: “You never taught me how to do this,” said his brief note referring to when I was his school teacher. You are correct, Grant. There isn’t curriculum that can effectively teach you to be a dad. Nonetheless Grant, here are a few challenges:
Love her mother....
1. Dedicate yourself to your daughter to the same degree you enjoyed the dedication of your own mother and father. You could not have had better parents.
2. Love, serve, and honor your partner. Loving your child’s mother is the single most powerful way you can love your daughter.
3. Be as committed to honesty with your child as you were with others when you were a boy.
4. Don’t let the mundane, but necessary, tasks wear the joy out of you. Babies need fun more than they need clean nappies.
5. Go away for an overnight and a full day often with your daughter – just the two of you. Get no help packing or planning from anyone.
6. Finally, leave the teaching to your daughter. She will teach you how to be her dad more effectively anything you will ever teach her.(Name used with permission)
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Help for the addicted…..
05 Dec 2009 by Rod Smith / 4 Comments
Addiction is no picnic. The substance, or the activity, and the accompanying shame begin to rule. It (alcohol, “pot”, gambling, illicit sexual behavior, you name it) can take over a person’s life and make a beggar out of anyone. The shakes, cravings, preoccupations with the drugs, drinks, over-the-counter drugs, or gambling, then becomes central to a life hastily easing out of control. Relationships are threatened, jobs are on the line, and children’s nerves, simply as a product of exposure to addictions, are shattered.
Open Hand can help you help yourself out of your addiction
And there is hope. There is hope for the man or woman who wants out from under the heavy rule of illegal substances or alcohol. There is hope for the adult who wants to live without drinking, that wants to be present and sober for his or her children while the children are growing. I’ve seen it many times: a man or a woman has been shocked into the realization that his or her lifestyle is no longer productive and drinking and drunkenness has all but consumed the person while also killing the marriage.
Let me have your story by Email that I may assist you in finding the hope you need and the help you might think you need in overcoming your addiction.
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His children and I go without for his parents….
18 Nov 2009 by Rod Smith / No Comments
“My in-laws can get anything they want from their son while his children and I have to go without. This is getting in the way of our marriage and he can’t see it. Quite soon I am going to leave him if it doesn’t change. This is not something we can talk about because of our culture.”
Dialogue first....
You get to decide if you wish to be subjected to cultural expectations at the expense of your marriage and your mental health. I’d suggest you have a conversation, and not a confrontation, with your husband over this matter. Do not suggest he resist assisting his parents, but rather finds a way, with you, to serve his parents without sacrificing the needs of his immediate family.Dialogue first. Negotiations, second. Ultimatums, polarized positions (“us or them”) to be avoided at all cost.
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Verbal log-jam
When I was a boy I’d endlessly practice the fluent delivery of my name but it seldom flowed easily from my lips. As if it was new news to me, adults pointed out my stutter. Perhaps they thought I was beginning, at that precise moment, for the first time in my life to spit from the mouth, twist at the neck, jig my head back and forth trying to expel some inane statement log-jammed between my gut and my throat.
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Life in our beloved 122
If the inside of a house (outside, too, I suppose) is a metaphor of the lives of the people who live in it – which is something I once read somewhere – gosh, are we in trouble. Our house is a mess.
I consistently clean it room by room, thinking often of the legend that the Golden Gate Bridge that says there’s some guy constantly painting it. I feel for him. While I am sure the view is wonderful I must believe that the poor guy whose doing it daily from one end to the other must find the wind and the weather quite a challenge.
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Being a white South African can come with complications
Being a white South African reared under Apartheid is no simple matter. It permeated everything for me. While I do not pretend to have been a political activist, I was always cognizant that my privileges, simply a result of being born white, were unmerited, and most unfair especially when enjoyed at the expense of others who were not. I think this unsettling truth (for I took advantage of my station in life) was somewhat of a companion to me from the age of about six or seven.
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Location, location – remembering winter in August
We live very close to our school and church, so close we can hear the school bell from our kitchen and the church bells in my bedroom.
Sometimes we walk to both and we don’t see the car for days.
I like it. I like not having to get in and out of the car. I like not having to negotiate traffic, something as synonymous with life in the USA as Disney, Fast Food, and the Fourth of July.
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Ready to adopt?
If you wait until you are ready to adopt a child you never will because you will never be ready. The baby, and only the baby, will make you ready. Reading the right books will be helpful, but “ready” magically comes upon you when a real baby is sleeping in your arms or crying in the middle of the night. If you are not ready to change diapers – and I always am amused at the big deal about this non-issue – being unprepared will last only as long as a clean diaper.
Life inside the Smith household
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