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Communication
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Stay out of pre-existing relationships
22 Feb 2012 by Rod Smith / No Comments
“My stepson (16) is really very unkind to my husband (his father) and yet he is always nice and polite to me. He says horrible things under his breath as if he still resents the divorce and doesn’t trust my husband anymore. We have been married for three years and we are very happy. It is just this one thing that leaves a bad taste in my mouth every two weeks when his son visits. Please help.”
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Broad principles for dealing with family jealousy
21 Feb 2012 by Rod Smith / No Comments
“In my family there are lots of factions and jealousies. If you have dinner with one person you can’t mention six others in the family. If there’s a wedding the bride and the groom better run away and marry secretly or the factions will sabotage the wedding. It’s like the war in ‘Romeo and Juliet.’ Please help.” (Reduced from a MUCH longer letter)
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Seven axioms in everyday relationships
19 Feb 2012 by Rod Smith / No Comments
- He or she who desires or seeks the relationship the least is the one who is driving it.
- Powerful elements of attraction early on in any relationship will become sources of conflict when the relationship matures.
- A person who is kind and loving to some, but who treats anyone, anywhere with contempt, is capable of treating those he or she loves with similar contempt.
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My in-laws stay too long….
18 Feb 2012 by Rod Smith / No Comments
“Whenever my in-laws come to visit they stay too long, eat too much food, and spoil our children. My husband won’t say anything to them about helping with expenses and my children think they are made of money. I love them but I feel imposed upon by them. What can I do?”
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To the man yelling at the waitress who interrupted his phone call…..
15 Feb 2012 by Rod Smith / No Comments
Your rudeness to the woman serving you is never justified, impressive, or attractive. I can’t help wondering how you treat people you live with, those whom you think you love, if you can so humiliate a stranger.
Forgive me for my little aside with “think you love” because it is really impossible for authentic love and the kind of contempt you are currently revealing to come from the same source – even if they are aimed at very different people.
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Verbal log-jam
When I was a boy I’d endlessly practice the fluent delivery of my name but it seldom flowed easily from my lips. As if it was new news to me, adults pointed out my stutter. Perhaps they thought I was beginning, at that precise moment, for the first time in my life to spit from the mouth, twist at the neck, jig my head back and forth trying to expel some inane statement log-jammed between my gut and my throat.
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Life in our beloved 122
If the inside of a house (outside, too, I suppose) is a metaphor of the lives of the people who live in it – which is something I once read somewhere – gosh, are we in trouble. Our house is a mess.
I consistently clean it room by room, thinking often of the legend that the Golden Gate Bridge that says there’s some guy constantly painting it. I feel for him. While I am sure the view is wonderful I must believe that the poor guy whose doing it daily from one end to the other must find the wind and the weather quite a challenge.
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Being a white South African can come with complications
Being a white South African reared under Apartheid is no simple matter. It permeated everything for me. While I do not pretend to have been a political activist, I was always cognizant that my privileges, simply a result of being born white, were unmerited, and most unfair especially when enjoyed at the expense of others who were not. I think this unsettling truth (for I took advantage of my station in life) was somewhat of a companion to me from the age of about six or seven.
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Location, location – remembering winter in August
We live very close to our school and church, so close we can hear the school bell from our kitchen and the church bells in my bedroom.
Sometimes we walk to both and we don’t see the car for days.
I like it. I like not having to get in and out of the car. I like not having to negotiate traffic, something as synonymous with life in the USA as Disney, Fast Food, and the Fourth of July.
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Ready to adopt?
If you wait until you are ready to adopt a child you never will because you will never be ready. The baby, and only the baby, will make you ready. Reading the right books will be helpful, but “ready” magically comes upon you when a real baby is sleeping in your arms or crying in the middle of the night. If you are not ready to change diapers – and I always am amused at the big deal about this non-issue – being unprepared will last only as long as a clean diaper.
Life inside the Smith household
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