Get Rod on FaceBook and/or Twitter
-
I left my husband for another man…
03 Apr 2008 by Rod Smith in Affairs / 55 Comments
“I have left my husband for another man and I worked so very hard to start a new life with him. It is not easy at all. I ended up more alone than before and was fueled with anxiety and had to take medication. I lost interest in everything just about because I loved this man so much. He is now drifting away from me and I am alone. My marriage is over and I am about to lose my children because of what I have done. I loved this ‘other’ man much more then he loved me and now I feel the effects. It’s the worst feeling in the world to love some one so much when you cannot fully have them.” (Minimal edits)
Your heart has deceived you and resulted in enormous consequences for you and your family. I repeat: extramarital affairs are seductive – seducing participants from the real issues within the marriage and resulting in a new relationship destined to be flawed. The impulse for an affair (need this be said?) is a strong signal that the marriage, not the third party, requires attention.
About the Author: Rod Smith
-
-
-
Living in an “Intentional Community”…..
It’s coming into fashion – this living in community thing, although it’s hardly a new idea – actually it is rather quite ancient.
But, having 16 years of intentional community living under our belts, I believe, the people at Open Hand, Inc. have some valuable perspective regarding what it means to live “in community.”
Here’s a few fundamentals from me. Others (in the same community) may see things quite differently. This is one of the joys of being in an intentional community, everyone gets to uniquely see, know, and interpret everything. We are a group, but there is no expected or imposed “groupthink” – of course it happens (the groupthink thing, given that when people spend a lot of time together and read a lot of the same books it is inevitable – but it is not expected).
First: If you wish to establish an authentic community it is essential that you make room in your heart (whatever that means), head, and home for people who are different, sometimes very different, from yourself.
Diversity (which cannot carry restrictions) and full acceptance (which cannot carry restrictions) are at the heart and core of sharing life in an intentional community. If you only want people much like yourself in a community you will not taste the fullness of what it means to live in intentional community. In our 16 years we have had HUNDREDS of guests from dozens of countries. Some have stayed for a few days; others have stayed for years. Some got close; some remained at arm’s length. All chose us and in a VERY few instances (I can only remember three) we had to say no. Few have been “like” us, and I am not sure who “us” would be were I to have to articulate it. The “us” changes.
Second: If you wish to live in authentic community it is essential that you give up ALL belief in your ability to control others, to control outcomes, to control very much at all. You are PART of, you are ONE with, you are in the driver’s seat of your own life ONLY. The minute you try to drive (control or “will” others) you have ceased to be an authentic community and have become something other than that. This issue of control extends even and especially to your children – where of course, a lot of the impulse to control is really tested.
Third: When you live authentically within an authentic community almost all your ideas and dreams will be modified and improved (most of the time) by the very process of being together.
I must also briefly note that community living, intentional community living, is not some flashback to Woodstock or to hippie communes, and nor is it some form of “communism-light.” (These are all things that I have heard said about us over the years).
At Open Hand, Inc., we all live in our own homes. We each pay our own bills, have our own jobs, and we do not put all our resources into a common pot. We are free to attend any church, or no church at all. We are not free because of some decision by the leaders of Open Hand, we are free simply because we are human. No one at Open Hand would even consider restricting the freedom of another, and nor would we deem to determine where or if someone should go to church.
But, we do dream great plans together and even watch a few of them come to fruition. We talk a lot, we support each others goals. We get behind each other. We are friends. We are intentional about our friendships. No one is “the leader,” there’s no handbook on how to be one of us, there’s no training program or qualification required.
Fourth: We don’t “own” or “claim” people or efforts as “ours.” For instance, we have been part of stimulating and facilitating and overseeing (ominous word) and “planting” (there’s a good church word) “works” (another churchy word) for years but we really don’t care who claims the credit or even if our name is attached to the endeavors. We already know it is not by our genius alone and we already know it takes MANY to make things “go” and be successful and so I say all power to those who wish to wear the efforts of others like a badge or a trophy. Go ahead, get all the credit you think you deserve.
Fifth – and I am going to close with this for today – my sons are ALWAYS surprised when they meet people who tell us they don’t know their neighbours.
-
Things I have learned from my 10-year-old son
- Swimming is the same as having a bath or taking a shower.
- Taking a real bath or shower using actual soap and actual shampoo makes you clean for four days.
- Licking your fingers is the same as washing your hands.
- Turning your clothing inside out it is the same as putting on clean clothes.
- Eating an apple is the same as brushing your teeth.
- Putting on a shirt by pulling it over your head combs your hair.
- Making your bed wastes playing time because you get into it at night.
- Eating potato chips gives you all the vegetables you need.
- Tidying a bedroom is ridiculous if you can already see any part of the floor or carpet.
- Sleeping wastes play time except on school days.
- You can climb and throw anything if you really want to.
- Flossing and flushing should be avoided.
- All bodies of water must be disturbed, no matter how peaceful or beautiful, you must throw something into it.
- Lit candles anywhere, like on a birthday cake or on a table in a restaurant must be disturbed; they must NEVER be left alone.
Life inside the Smith household
55 Comments
Shaun
People like you destory lifes because you act like animals in heat, so you got what’s coming. You don,t deserve any sympathy!
In some parts of the world this behavoir is still consider a criminal offence.
13 Aug 2008 04:08 pm
Nehemiah
You ever heard of.. He who casts the first stone? Indeed what this person has done is not something to be praised, but at the same time, NO ONE is exempt from this. Everyone.. and I DO repeat EVERYONE is capable of this and even worse. So before you go and judge this woman, I suggest you check yourself and make sure you don't have any skeletons hanging out of your closet... (removed profanities)
28 Apr 2010 02:04 pm
Shaundra
I pray things within your soul are healing and you will learn to forgive yourself. There is no need to dwell on the mistake that has already been made. It is important however to learn a valuable lesson. One in life, and one in the art of forgiveness. We are human beings with powerful emotions. You have had the opportunity to experience a great deal of emotions because of an mistake you made in your life. Learn from this and you will be a better person and your kids will love you for that! Good Luck and God Bless.
Funny how the person above almost has the same name as me!
14 Aug 2008 08:08 pm
Gary
My wife of 7 years left me and our 3 children 4 months ago for a man she met on the internet, she now lives abroad in his country with him. To be honest, at the time I was devastated and vowed to get her back, but now I’m starting to feel like he’s welcome to her, any woman who can do that doesn’t deserve me to be honest. Our marriage was pretty good, I just didn’t pay her enough attention which is what the other guy did. They started out as friends but he took advantage of her at a vulnerable time. Anyway, good luck with whatever happens but you reap what you sow and if you do end up losing everything then you only have yourself to blame.
29 Aug 2008 06:08 am
soso
Man, ithink as long as you have kids you are better off, Having a partner just doesnt work, yes we enjoy it in the begining but it always ends, so the will always be the beginnings for me cos those are good time. That doesnt mean i leave my women,NO, they leave me so i am used to it and I always enjoy the new beginning, wel change always comes and change is pain to other people, but I am always waiting for change, wether in relationshsips and career,
Those who want to be stucked with old boring partners good luck
28 May 2009 08:05 am
Vince
There’s a reason that the last two circles in Dante’s hell are saved for those that have committed conscious fraud and treachery. (Comment edited for general audience by Rod)
24 Sep 2008 09:09 pm
Joe
Like Gary, my wife of 7 years left. At first, I too wanted her back. Today, almost 6 years after the divorce was final, it was one of the best things to happen to me.
It’s hard for me to have sympathy for men or women who cheat upon their spouses and their children, or for their partners who regardless of their marital status, I find to be just as low when it comes to moral fibre content.
Seems our society wants to believe men are more unfaithful than women, yet unless these men are having affairs with other men, there are women for each of these men willing to have an affair.
Since both know they are not married to one another, and often the other man or the other woman knows their partner is married, they are just as unfaithful to the social contract of marriage as are the cheating spouses.
Both parties involved in an affair are cheating, regardless their current marital status.
05 Feb 2009 02:02 pm
Gary
Joe, it’s been 8 months since I posted here, and I can safely say that life couldn’t be any better than it is now. I have met and fallen in love with a wonderful woman, my kids are happier than ever, and between me and you I’m getting the best sex of my life!
I will always love my ex wife, and cherish the time we had together, but going back? NEVER!!!!!!!!
I hope anybody that reads this can take comfort from knowing that however painful things are for you right now, THEY WILL GET BETTER!!!! I promise!!!!!!
And I hope the woman that originally posted here has found some peace, either with her new love or with her ex. Nobody blames you my dear, but I hope you have learned something. And I hope you do find happiness in the end, one way or another.
17 Apr 2009 09:04 am
soso
I ahd i woman few weeks aggo, she left her man and come stay with me and the man was so hurt. The guy called me threatining me, but I told him I dont see why he should fight me cos i am not the one who left him, and maybe I was not gonna leave him. Well as time goes the woman decided to go back to the guy coz the guy wanted her so much, I let her go but I dont think I can take her back, though I still love her. I will be a freeman again, going anywher I want anytime I want to, with no one monitoring my moves.
I am not taking any women who left me back, no matter how I love them, I move on, maybe lets make lot of money have good life, women need powerful men, so its all in the man back pocket!
28 May 2009 08:05 am
thedeej
Fiance’s x-wife was having an affair, chose to move in with new beau & not take children(actually they do not want to go ages 9, 13 & 16 then). Continuous calls calling dad to come get them because beau was not very nice to them or a party had ensued. 2yrs. later we met, and the calls never stopped to complain about kids when they were visting & eventually middle child(son) w/ drugs. 4 yrs, into the relationship found out that Mom was behind the scences w/ daughters telling them to me rude to me to get me out of the picture. Even though she was living w/ another man, she still wanted dad back(I felt it, but stayed fast because we had a great relationship). Evetually Son went to jail & fiance fell apart and we separated for 4 monthsHis choice, he had nothing left to give me at this time). Found out about 8 months after we got back together, that the X swooped in(using Son as the pawn)to get back together. It definatley did not work as by then the children knew we were a TEAM & told me of the parents “dating”. They actually did not want it to happen, but their mother is their mother as they say.
She is a sociopath and now we all know how not to feed into the games.
04 Jul 2009 08:07 am
S
I left my bad marriage for a man with whom I fell in love. We have a great life and I am only sad that I did not leave sooner. I find that no matter who cheats there would NOT have been cheating period if the marriage was strong and good. Blaming male or female, the one who cheated is not always correct. The one who caused the marriage to end is not always the CHEATER! To put a name like that on anyone is unfair, untrue and just wrong. It takes two to make a marriage and it ends with two as well cheating or no cheating! That is a result not a cause! Don’t feel bad about your situation and I am sorry your new love did not work out but get back up and live again and don’t feel bad about what happened. Love is worth whatever you go through when its right.
01 Dec 2009 11:12 am
Chuck
Yes I agree it takes two to make a marriage work. You we're the one who ended it. Your the one that failed. Yes you are a cheater. Talk to someone that's been married for 40 or 50 years. You think they didn't feel like they loved the person next to them anymore. Why didn't you try doing something with the marriage. Apparently you can't keep your vows.
15 Apr 2010 02:04 pm
Vicky
I too also left a bad marriage for someone who really cares about me. Although I wish the circumstances on how I left my husband we different, I have learned from my mistakes. My marriage was abusive and difficult. The decision to leave my husband for this other man I fell in love with was a difficult one. When my husband found out about my affair he still wanted to stay married, but by that point our relationship was so torturous for me that I didn't want to work things out. I just wanted to leave. He still blames the affair as the cause of the divorce. My husband never believed there was anything wrong with our relationship and blames me for the break-up of the marriage. He like many other people need to realize that marriage takes the commitment and respect of two people. No one person is responsible for the marriage ending even if someone cheats. If the marriage was strong in the first place than no one would have cheated. I don't think cheating is right. I never ever thought I was capable of doing something like that. I can't change the past I wish I never cheated, but I don't regret leaving my husband. And honestly I don't know if I could have had the courage to leave if it wasn't for the affair in the first place.
22 Aug 2010 03:08 pm
Kelly Maclean
It takes two to make a marriage work but only one to destroy it....if you cheated, you destroyed it.
30 May 2013 07:05 pm (@Twitter)
Troy
Anyone sane knows right from wrong. A person with values, morals, and ethics would not cheat on another no matter what. If something is wrong in the marriage, you talk about it and try all you can do before leaving the marriage if that is possible. If that isn’t what you want, you both talk about it and make the next moves for each to go separate ways. You don’t introduce destructive ways first to end a marriage. You cannot just think of yourself, do what is right and how you would want someone to do for you! The right way is always better!
26 Jan 2010 04:01 pm
Kyle
Troy, are you kidding me? "A person with values, morals, and ethics would not cheat on another no matter what . . . ?" How can you presume that? Mankind is born sinful and selfish. To be anything different requires learning, and everyone doesn't get that. I have morals, values, and ethics, and have made numerous regrettable decisions in my lifetime. To say that if you have those, you will not make mistakes is quite judgmental, at best. You are correct. The right way IS always better. But far too simplistic in your understanding of right from wrong, and people. Your implication is that anyone who cheats, or makes other mistakes that go against his or her morals, values, and ethics is insane. THAT in itself is rather unstable. . .
29 Jan 2010 08:01 am
NameDavid
I agree with Troy. If you have a conscience even though you cheat, once you snap back to reality and realize what you're doing seems you would have the decency to end the relationship either with the paramour or the spouse. But the cheater justifies his/her sin and continues not realizing they are destroying everyone that includes the spouse, themselves and the person they are cheating with. But for cheating to progress to an affair and then a double-life. There is absolutely no excuse for. Says a lot about what kind of person you are dealing with.
05 Dec 2012 08:12 pm (@Twitter)
Troy
Kyle, I guess to each his/her own on what you learn. I speak from my own experience. I have had numerous chances to cheat but did not allow myself to do so, and I would avoid putting myself in situations as such. Why, because I love the person I am with too much and did not want to hurt or be untrustful to my loved one. I have never cheated on my 28 years of marrage.
I admit that much of my strong beliefs would have to do with my upbringing from my parents. They gave us values, moral, eithics, and disapline. All of which I am grateful today for, it’s made me the strong person I am today. I’ve never even gone through any drugs,drinking, or smoking periods that some youths go through with the solid ground I’ve had. I know not all children are fortunate enough as I’ve been to stay strong with life’s sins.
I suppose it may sound like I’m judging, but I’m not. It just seems to me if you really love the person you are with, you won’t hurt them but some people fall out of love and may see things differently than I.
09 Feb 2010 03:02 pm
Nicky
I have a long story and I dont know were to begin….! I have been with my husband for 21 years now, married for 19. I loved him madly when we met and could not wait to get married and have kids. Have 3 gorgeous boys, 18, 16 and 11, but my husband has beaten me, he has cheated on me. He has another child with another woman who is only 3 years old now – all while we have been married. His children hate him and dont respect him at all. Now I have met another guy and Im crazy about him. He has even asked me to leave my husband and Im seriously considering it, but why am I so scared of taking this step???? HELP ME PLEASE!!!
29 Mar 2010 07:03 am
Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
Being “crazy” about someone is exactly that: crazy. Until you find some peace with your marriage, or until you are free of it for a year or two, any man who shows you some thoughtfulness and attention will appear as a knight in shining armor. Don’t confuse attention with love.
Leaving your husband (a scary thought even for women in the worst of circumstances) given his abusive behavior ought to be given consideration. Hooking up with some guy you are crazy about ought to terrify you. Don’t do it. Not yet, anyway.
29 Mar 2010 08:03 am
needing advice
soo ive been married for a year now, and the marriage has been horrible, he cheated multiple times, and a few violent times. We have a mutual friend, and about 3 months ago, i started liking him, because he’s a really nice guy, and my marriage was crap, so a week ago, i told him how i feel about him, and he revealed he also had feelings, and the whole week was full of butterflies and emotions i never got from my husband. Then yesterday my husband and i agree on getting a divorce, but then he changed his mind, and we got into a big arguement, violence, cops, and a restraining order, so my husbands gone,then today my “friend” calls me and tells me to stop callin him because he doesn’t want trouble… talk about my heart being crushed!! i think im in denial because im trying to let it go, and say his loss, and ill get somebody else better, but i really had my hopes on this guy…very sad
29 Mar 2010 07:03 pm
Anonymous
i recently left my husband of 18 years after starting an affair with a married man. We both left our partners almost immediately and set up home together. The man then left me and went back to his wife not once but twice within the first fortnight. I cannot forgive him and will not take him back. I still love my husband and am now left in a rented house struggling to make ends meet. My husband and I share custody of our son, who spends one week with me and one week with my husband. All this is still very raw to me as the start of the afair until today has only taken 8 weeks. I’m very confused and wish I could turn back the clock, but understand I can’t.
01 Nov 2010 12:11 pm
Karma
It's call karma
07 Jul 2011 07:07 am
aimee parrish
hello to the almighty Karma, do you not know how to forgive?
Others and yourself, not wonder this world is such a mess.
Meanwhile, monogamy has been disproven over and over and over again, just read all the comments/testimonials on this site. An affair does'nt make a person a bad person or parent. Get a life!
09 Jun 2013 12:06 am (@Twitter)
Dave
It blows me away to read many of these comments from those who have strayed and used the “bad marriage” moniker to rationalze their actions. What kind of moral callousness flows through another human being’s blood to actually want to put someone else through such tortuous pain? Granted, there are those marriages that deserve to go, those involving physical abuse and other demeaning actions that dehumanize the other spouse, but for those who simply drifted apart and decided to leave for the guy/girl down the street without trying to get something back…I have no respect for you. Yours was a marriage meant to survive…you just gave up, demonized/devalued your spouse to the point where you could justify your actions, and put him/her through a living hell. It probably felt right at the time, but faith, understanding, and a little counseling could have saved a marriage.
14 Nov 2010 05:11 pm
aimee parrish
wow, very harsh words, you must have been left.
But your blather about sticking out a marriage just because there is no moral or physical abuse is completely unevolved.
I do agree about the cheating and that it is wrong, but most people caught up in an affair aren't totally in a state of euphoria, they are tortured, feel guilty and are also suffering, and not bad people.
So in other words, stop being such a sanctimonious jerk!
09 Jun 2013 12:06 am (@Twitter)
LEE
I had been married for thirteen years when I decided to cheat on my husband. I wont give excuses for the affair. I had always been a very strong woman. I always thought that any woman who left her marriage and split up her family didnt deserve any sort of respect. Well, it happened to me, I met a man that was fourteen years younger than myself. He was shy and sensitive, handsome, and mostly, he listened to me. We worked alot of overtime together, began having group breakfasts, then it became text messaging one another late at night….and then eventually hanging out alone. I knew that I was attracted to him and I became obsessed with him. I thought about him continually…I thought that he was everything that my husband wasnt…and more…I moved out of my home and split my five children with my husband. This was the beginning of the end… The relationship with this other man lasted on and off for five years. During this time I found out that he had a thing for men. He had several online affairs, they started out with just text messages and picture exchanges and then eventually he started meeting these men during our break ups. He always had excuses and explanations…of course saying that he never did anything sexual with any of them but I knew better…I became a very angry woman, his behavior was so predicatble….we would have a horrible fight…one that he would pick, it would become physical, he would kick me out, we would have no contact for up to three months and then one of us would reconnect with the other….we would have this honey moon phase that lasted a couple of weeks and then it would start all over again….he would begin to detach from me physically and emotionally …start locking his phone..staying on the internet for hours….then came the verbal abuse…and boom! Anyways, during all of this insanity my job was affected…my relationship with my children was almost completely severed…I didnt want them to be subjected to the insanity so they all began living with their father. Through all of this my husband maintained love for me…I dont even know how I deserve for him to care…hes been my friend through it all. I know that I love him still, Im just not in love with him. Please someone give me some advice and help me to re establish an in love feeling with my husband.
21 Nov 2010 01:11 am
NameDavid
I can tell you this, you fall in love naturally once. Then it's up to you to keep the love alive. This is where we as humans get lost. You thought you were in love with this bi-dude but I think now you know that this dude fabricated some stuff that you just fell for because it made you feel a certain way. Truth is if you can fall in love with that collage then you can definitely fall in love with your ex, he just needs someone to show him how to SEDUCE you. Have him contact me and remember you are a woman - there are many new things out there that will always feel like love to you all bcuz it's new and different. You just got used to your husband and he just needs some upgrading. Easily done. Good luck!
05 Dec 2012 08:12 pm (@Twitter)
Joe
Cheating is cowardly and hurtful. If you aren’t happy, leave. But as someone whos wife cheated on him, an affair causes the other person emotional damage for years. She has been gone for three years, but I still wake up with nightmares about him with her. There is no excuse for doing this to another person. No one deserves this.
30 Dec 2010 10:12 pm
LM
LEE, you destroyed your marriage with your shallow cheating behavior. You admit you don’t deserve your husband. You got what you deserved, you were physically abused by your boyfriend. If you truly love your husband, let him go to be with someone who deserves him and will be faithful to him.
13 Jan 2011 05:01 am
Girl scout
I am a woman married 19 years with my husband and have been very unhappy, off and on, for a few years. We separated briefly twice briefly in our early years of marriage, then at 10 years we had twins. I was already in my 40s and he in his early 50s. Nine years later, zlthough we both love our daughters and try to be very present for them, our marriage is ense and difficult, where it takes very little for us to erupt into arguments. It is always about the lack of money and his insecure occupation, his inability to plan for the future which is part of his ADD for which he never sought treaqtment.
In the last few years I have cheated on a handful of occasions, one with an ex-boyfriend who I have known since college and is divorced with kids. The 1st time it was getting back at my spouse and less about the man, thougoh we are attracted to one another. I also had a flirtation with some heavy petting with another fellow I have known since my 20s, also divorced.
Right now I have been dealing with alot of sadness as my mother recently passed of cancer and I was responsible for her for the last few months of her life. She loved me and always made me feel secure despite my spourse’s insecure financial choices. Now that she is gone I feel scared and alone as my husband and I don’t communicate well (and we haven’t had sex in at least two years). I am well aware this is not healthy, and I feel that despite being in my 50s I want a good romantic life, sexual life and this is completely lacking in my marriage. It upsets me that while I try not to carry this into our home life, our children do undestand that Mommy and Daddy don’t get along. I want to do what is best for them, but staying in a failed marriage does not offer a good role for them. They see araguments, exasperation, anger, resentment, and certainly little affection.
A couple of years ago, I could have left my husband for one of the two other guys, but didn’t do it. My mother was going through cancer treatment and I concurrently lost my dad; and this fellow lives 1 hour away so it isn’t very easy to meet up with him. So I let it slide hoping that after my mother’s passing, we could reconnect.
Meanwhile, he has been seeing another woman, off and on over 2 years. Being married, I had no claim on him to not date other women, as I was not free from my marriage. Now, their relationship seems more tight and she has certainly not allowed me to visit with my friend without her chaperoning the socializing. Yesterday on my way home from out=of-town with my children, we stopped to see him and his children, and go out for pizza, and the girlfriend (age 58) was along, making sure I stayed at arms-length from him. This was excruciating for me as I have known him over 30 years and always had a solid friendship with him.
I know my feelingsare vulnerable, having recently lost a parent and another one in the last 3 years. And having a child with dyslexia/learning disabilities poses alot of challenges. Bottom line, I can’t stop thinking about this man and wanting him to dump the girlfriend for me, even though I have not left my husband (yet) for financial & childcare reason. I want to win this fellow back and have the relationship with him I now realize I should be having………….. friends, a powerful sexual conection, similar intellectual pursuits, an old friendship for 3 decades, same cultural and religious background, and a loving dad to his kids (and mine).
What to do? I know he is the man I should be with; only thing is, he is “comfortable” (not necessarily “in love with”) the other woman who lives nearby, is divorced (not married) and has older kids. Her circumstances are more “low maintenance” which is what he wants after a high-drama marriage.
I know this guy loves me but he told me (and his sister) that he does not want to break up my marriage but would rather I have connected with him being free. I can’t just bail from my spouse now as I left my career awhile back and I need to first have a sable job and ability to live closer to this man (which is another county & school district).
What, if anything, could/should I do to get this fellow back and wanting to be with me? He has told me before I that he loves me, that we belonged together, but now he is in a comfy, convenient relationship with a woman who is desperate to keep him (she is older than he and I and cultivates a “cuteness” that is not becoming at age 58; she is very territorial and has made it clear he can’t invite me WITH my children in his house (he and I have stayed platonic when the kids were about.)
I am terribly frustrated. Is it possible to find lasting love in leaving your spouse for someone else??? How to get him back?
18 Jan 2011 02:01 am
NameDavid
If you are still with your spouse - u need to understand that its possible for u and spouse to rekindle. If you can connect with this dude who is already deeply connected to someone else, is that not the same as loving a cheating partner. Wake up, you guys have had bad experiences and the wall has been built and you haven't gotten any help. So you can only expect for your marriage to be where it is. Remember you are not a marriage expert, but a participant and you need an expert to help you guys so that you can be devoted partipants. Good luck!
05 Dec 2012 08:12 pm (@Twitter)
FOAD
Girl Scout, It is obvious you are a very selfish person. “So I let it slide hoping that after my mother’s passing, we could reconnect.” This is just sick! You don’t get it do you.. I feel so sorry for your husband. You could have never been a Girl Scout because you would have given away all the cookies for free. You are doing irreversible damage to your children but people like you will never see beyond your own selfish needs. You need to tell your husband who you really are and let him divorce you so he can find someone worthy of loving. The only thing I can say at this point is 50 going on 15.
07 Feb 2011 03:02 am
Greg
my wife left me for a man she dated when she was fifteen i guess they where in love the children still stay with her i choose to exit like a gentleman still helping still dad it was really rough on me in the early days but it got better .for me my wife on the other hand is in a living hell she is really off balance and going thru hell this guy has no job and cheats on her she found out he left a woman who has a ten month old child and his other baby mother moved out of town without telling him where she was going my ex wife has lost her luster the last time i saw her she looked very stressed out shes up all night checking his phone and crying my daughters tell me she looks like a zombie under mind control her dream has turned into a nightmare life is funny i have become a better father and i am truly happy the kids and me enjoy life the last time i saw her i told her that i forgave her and she needs to forgive herself its hard to love someone who only likes you
30 Mar 2011 01:03 am
John Sanunu
My wife of almost 4 years left me for a man 13 years older than me, with two kids. We are 30. He was still married, albeit maybe separated. Both are disgusting. My wife for leaving me for financial security and this guy for filling up a vulnerable young woman’s head. My ex wife blamed me for everything, denied the affair. She became verbally abusive, blaming me for everyone. Anyone who cheats is empty and hollow. If the marriage is really unhealthy, or you are unhappy, you do everything you can do to save it. If after that effort, it still isn’t working, then get divorced. Marriages go through rough spots, but if people left everytime things got bad, no one would be married. My ex wife claims to have found true happiness with this scumbag, but we will see how happy she is taking care of two girls that aren’t hers, and dealing with an ex wife. Cheating is truly disgusting, and the people who cheat and lie about it are morally reprehensible.
06 Apr 2011 01:04 pm
Mitch
I am sorry I have no sympathy for you. I am going through divorce at the moment because my wife of three years decided she wanted another man, I was devestated, nobody has hurt me more in my entire life. I am not perfect nobody is but I treated my wife very well and loved her with all my heart and she led me to believe the same. You are disloyal and broke a commitment you made to your husband and if he felt anything like I did when my future ex wife left me then you deserve any pain you get.
I can hear all those who have left their partners telling me I am just bitter and get over it, well yes I am bitter but so I should be I made a commitment for life not for three years, I gave the girl everything I had and she threw it back in my face, I would not put my worst enemy what she put me through so yes I am bitter. I have moved on I would never ever take this weak person back into my life, I will probaly always love her because unlike her I can’t just switch it off. I am not religious but my vows and morals mean the world to me and those of you who break their vows are weak and should be ashamed because you are terrible people.
10 Apr 2011 05:04 am
NameDavid
Mitch one thing that we forget is that many times in situations like these it's not always a matter of morale, but ability. What I mean by that is many people have mental inadequacies that have never rcvd any attention. Sometimes we wonder - how on earth could one human being do that to another. When they are mentally unstable, it's very easy and truth is they don't even know what they are doing.
05 Dec 2012 08:12 pm (@Twitter)
ron
my wife left me for a man she met on the internet. we have been married 11 years, she took my daughter and left my son with me. she went 1300 miles away from me and now lives with this man and he is still married. i found out this guy has a criminal record. i’m disabled, so i can’t go do anything to the guy… i’m afraid for my daughter, and even my wife.. i was disabled when we married, so she can’t say i’m different now…she emails me and calls me needing money, not for my daughter but for her expenses…i feel so dead inside…what can a guy do…?
12 May 2011 07:05 pm
Veronica
Hi, I had to leave a most disastrous marriage... My ex not only cheated on me but also decided to start taking drugs and nearly killed me... He took everything Fromm house including my garden... One year later I could not feel happier and freer... For the first time of my life I began to think about myself, I went back to, I run my own business, I have made lots of new friends, I work out, I go out I plan for a fantastic future and I just feel great... I know you are disable but this does not mean mean your life should be empty or over... I worked for many years with people with disabilities and they all did an amazing amount of things... Think of things you can do... People you would like to be around... Write about your perfect day,, post pictures on your wall and make it happen... Being heart broken I's not the end of your life it might be end of bad of a bad part of your life but just the beginning of the best part to come....
30 Nov 2012 07:11 am (@Twitter)
James
My wife (Common Law) is doing the exact same crap… I went away for 5 days to attend my mothers funeral, then after the funeral was over, I called her looking for support.She told me that she no longer wanted to be with me. She
met someone on the internet while playing Call Of Duty and she believes there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.
We have 2 beautiful children together whom she thinks will be fine because of her actions. I’ve been lied to, treated like crap and she continues to speak to this loser on her cell phone (which is new) and our home phone.. that idiot even calls our home phone.
Shaun.. I have to completely agree with you 100%.
20 May 2011 03:05 pm
Name
I am currently seperated from my soon to be exhusband who I was with for five years and married for three. I did leave him for another man and there are children involved. To everyone here who keeps talking about how people like me ruin relationships. Walk in my shoes, be treated as if you are nothing, be ignored, let him tell you how much of a bad person you are, cry every night and pray to God you wish you were dead… Work your butt off while he sits around ignoring your children and bieng jobless. Even if it doesn’t work out with my new interest I will never regret leaving my husband. I will have to answer to God, but know that all of you can cast judgement upon me but be prepared on judgment day when it is cast back upon you. I will answer to noone but my God.
18 Jul 2012 06:07 pm (@Twitter)
NameDavid
Not sure they everyone thinks someone is judging them. Cut some slack, cheaters are cheaters. If you're innocent, then you are. But no one knows your situation, however doesn't make you right. Stop getting mad at the comments made about cheaters and stop being a cheater. For people who seek salvation or justice from an unloving spouse, there is a solution that everyone considers acceptable. It's called divorce. Good luck!
05 Dec 2012 08:12 pm (@Twitter)
Tande
Women,women,women.
Word to the wise Never I repeat Never Ever leave your husband for another man hastily.It shows how weak and disgustingly dependent you are on a man..
Whether the man is abusive or not.Plan your self.Make a decision to leave a man and work towards leaving alone,not towards moving in another man’s house.
My husband was verbally,physically and emotionally abusive.There was a man who truly wanted to take his place.Who promised heaven and earth and i could have easily left my husband for him.But I didn’t.And this man eventually was also an abuser I later learnt.
For 1 year I worked my ass off ,saving and saving ,preparing to leave him,shopping for custody lawyers,getting best advice,not in a hurry,slowly and diligently i was able to start paying mortgage for a house,then i took my kids and informed him and all those who mattered I am leaving.And i went to live in my house ,with my kids,And men respected me for it.Eventually I got married to this great guy and 9 years down the line,things could not be better.
Dont cheat on your Husband,Leave him as cleanly and as honorably as you can even when you know there is someone else.And think really really hard about the impression you are giving to your kids!
14 Sep 2012 12:09 pm (@Twitter)
june
I am a 25 years old lady married to a man 15 years older than me. The start if the relationship was fun but my husband keeps trading me like a child. He wants to always to make decision for me, like not allowing me drive car he bought for me because he doesn’t want me to kill myself because he doesn’t think i think properly. This is just the least of the problem we have. We’ve been married for almost 3 years but have no kids. The painful part is that we don’t have a good sexual relationship. We only have sex 2 or 3 times in a month which to me i find mind boggling because i am young and vibrant. This has been disturbing fit me and i promise myself not to cheat in him. Right now am in the stage to leave him but can’t summon the courage to do it.please i need an advice
12 Jan 2013 11:01 am (@Twitter)
Lady87
STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF and NEVER cheat on him.That's not the answer.Adultery and irreconcilable differences are two VERY different subjects.You mentioned courage....This radiates someone who is unsure,hesitant?Firstly, don't listen to anyone.It's your life, Seek counsel from your husband only or professional. This is an extremely personal and emotional roller coaster of uncertainty.You must be 1000% sure, think everything out.If/when you decide to leave it'll be on mutual terms and understanding.Respect him exponentially. After all he loves you.Which may come across as smothering Clarity and the unknowing doubt you tried and tried.The result will be a clear conscious later. In the event you don't have the will to try then again I stress BE SURE.You have concrete reasoning.Saying that.."Your age differences are evident resulting in further consideration" Stating we are in this forum.(All that glitters is not gold) Don't get infatuated or nieve. Think clearly,openly and somehow you'll find what you are looking for.Just don't cheat on him! Try to talk to him about some of your issues :-)
11 Feb 2013 02:02 pm (@Twitter)
Helen
do whatever you think is best for you. make a decision quick otherwise you will have a similar story like the ones we just read, but if you decide to stay and somehow you cheat on him No one should judge you.
06 Feb 2013 02:02 am (@Twitter)
Fred
Hell with all who wants to say stay true to yourself and don’t cheat or otherwise. There’s are selfish people, people who are real, people who married for personally gain and people who just not fit or ready to be committed. First thing first you can’t be abusive love to talk hash or control anyone life and expect you to stay married because you think god bless that marriage and you should stay, no amount of consoling could help that. Some of you like to be judgmental and say you’re cheater just because someone left they marriage to look for love somewhere else. Shit being alone, you was not put on earth to be alone and none of us aint have no perfect life, all is imperfect, the amount of joke you make and it’s a lie and you think is ok cause is just a joke it’s still a lie oh you holy people like to cast judgement. Yes to people who made it to 50 60 years together I so sure they was not abusive or a drinking or even like to control but just grew apart of loving each other and that could fix, I agree. So what if your spouse to abusive and you once nearly dead end up in the hospital, should you what stay with him make it right again? I would think of myself and just leave. Hahahahaha these comment crack me up, you all act like alyuh is God himself yes. Anyway I am not married and would not married in this life, so no one of you guys could call me a cheater. I really feel sorry for all who is married going tru a lot and feel there’s nothing you can do ask for a divorce nicely and if he/she don’t want to grant you the divorce just leave and if you think you will be happier with someone else go for the but the grass never always greener on the next side, so I just think you should chill out for a little while. For who playing God I sure no one who went tru licks, abuse, financial problems, being treated like crap, on the whole go tru a bad marriage would say stay and make it work cause all of them know what they went tru we don’t know that. And I don’t care what you all post after this, God himself have to judge me.
15 Feb 2013 06:02 pm
LR
Truth is, there can be more dangers to the other man, or manstress, compared to women in the same situation. Some have killed women’s husbands in a violent rage for sure, some have been con-artists and scammers who rob the well-established husbands of their money when they don’t make enough or steal their vehicles, some have kidnapped the woman, raped her, and/or killed her, while some have molested their children, etc. And it’s bad enough that we treat women harshly for leaving their families for another man, especially when he turns out to be abusive. Yes, women cheat on good men with abusive ones that are dangerous. Also, some women get killed by their husbands or grown sons for leaving their families for other men. It’s bad enough that we teach women to provoke jealousy in men by going out with other men and that men should keep track of their every move.
05 Mar 2013 11:03 pm (@Twitter)
Lady
Hello to all the Judgers and non-judgemental beings, those close-minded and open-minded.
To the lady who posted this, I can understand where you coming from, I went through the same thing. My kids are in a different town , only two hours away but I make the concerted effort to see them, as I feel where they are, they are better off and much happier. People will always look at a woman who has an affair and in that period where her children gets affected stand in Huge judgement of her, but why is it that if a man does the same thing, it is something that is sort of the norm?not a big deal?
When my affair took place it was a delicate time and it affected alot of people but everyone looked at me as the one who had 100% cause of this marraige failing. and surprisingly my ex husband moved on within a few months of the divorce, where he has a new partner, and someone who is interacting with my kids, this is all in less than a year. I have a younger man and believe it or not we are still together, through all the obstacles, and there were many, he loves my kids as his own, and I obviously there is alot of emotions and problems I have to get through but I felt this was meant to be I finally have someone who is straight with me, takes no crap and honest. This relationship might have started out the wrong way but I see a good future. As for my precious kids, they getting the best of all worlds, their father will and always be a very good father to them, and I know he met the right lady who he is now happy with, four wonderful adult figures in my kids life plus wonderful grandparents.
Dont dwell on the negatives and it sounds like you are insecure and may have trust issues, we all have , believe in yourself and that you worthy to be loved, if this guy you had an affair with wants to leave you thats all up to him , you have to be strong for yourself, forget about the past, move forward, most of all increase that Love for yourself because if you cannot this time work on yourself, you wont be able to love anyone else and be a good mom for your kids, because you may be losing them now but one day they will be old enough and you have to grow and be a better person so that you can still be part of their lives.
Dont give up, time heals,
08 Apr 2013 06:04 am (@Twitter)
Colleen
So if your spouse doesn’t sleep or have sex with you and spends most of his time in the basemement, is it still cheating?
13 Apr 2013 07:04 pm (@Twitter)
I am leaving my husband for a man who is passionately in love with me. My husband has gone cold over our relationship over the years, and no matter how much I tell him, he thinks I nag him. Why should i have to deny myself happiness to preserve a clean na
I am leaving my husband for a man who is passionately in love with me. My husband has gone cold over our relationship over the years, and no matter how much I tell him, he thinks I nag him. Why should i have to deny myself happiness to preserve a clean name for me.
29 Apr 2013 04:04 am (@Twitter)
Maureen
I am leaving my husband for a man who is passionately in love with me. My husband has gone cold over our relationship over the years, and no matter how much I tell him, he thinks I nag him. Why should i have to deny myself happiness to preserve a clean name for me.I have 2 children that my husband manipulates to disagree with me. On the other hand, the other guy respects me, is more outgoing, caring and we are more playful together.
29 Apr 2013 04:04 am (@Twitter)
Sally
I don’t think anyone has the right to judge another when you are not fully aware of their lives and what they are going through. It’s every person’s intentions to stay in a relationship but it takes two to make it work. When one loses interest the other is merely treading water in open seas and it’s only a matter of time before the weariness will take over and sinking in inevitable. Everyone wants to be loved and wanted! For either a man or a woman – it’s a very lonely world when your partner no longer wants you and your confidence reaches an all time low. It’s hardly surprising that when someone comes along and pays attention that you yearning for with contact and intimacy that you will succumb. It’s not intentional – just understandable.
04 May 2013 07:05 pm (@Twitter)
aimee parrish
The only person who has a valid point here, is tada, Vicky!
08 Jun 2013 11:06 pm (@Twitter)
Leave a Comment