There’s hope: my husband told me he didn’t love me anymore. We got help and it worked! |

There’s hope: my husband told me he didn’t love me anymore. We got help and it worked!

by Rod Smith

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“My husband told me he didn’t love me anymore last August. I knew it was because of another woman. It escalated from text messages, chats, and emails between them. It was so out of his character and so I blamed myself. We went to a church counselor and it completely saved our marriage. I have him back after six months of a woman bugging him to death. She’s a single mom who has never been married so I can see why she was after my husband. Now we are pregnant by his choice and mine! Things are better now and I want everyone to know,with a willing husband and the right counselor, things can get better. I read the book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. It changed my life and how I act towards my husband. There’s hope for people who think life has no hope. I’m a living example!” (Letter edited)

Rod’s Comment: Family preservation and restoration are causes for celebration. Congratulations. You helped turn a tough and hurtful situation into one that has made you stronger. While I am not familiar with the Schlessinger book I am pleased it assisted you. I strongly recommend couples also read Harriet Lerner’s “Dance of Connection.”

Posted on March 10, 2007 at 10:23 pm in Betrayal, Boundaries, Faith, Family, Recovery | RSS feed | Reply | Trackback URL

33 Comments to “There’s hope: my husband told me he didn’t love me anymore. We got help and it worked!”

tobeme
March 12, 2007 at 12:50 pm

This is a refreshing story! Thanks for sharing!

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Anna
April 10, 2007 at 2:01 pm

I’m 13, and my boyfriend is 14. Yesterday, my so-called “friend” told me that my boyfriend never liked me, and wants to break up with me. This past weekend, we went on two dates, one with my mom chaperoning, and one without her. Our second date was to see the movie Blades of Glory. We held hands, and he put his arm around my shoulder, and at the end of the date he kissed me. Or I kissed him, but he knew it was coming, because I made sure nobody could see us. We’ve only been dating for a week and three days, but I think I might like him more than I liked my last boyfriend, who I was with for two months. Anyway, he liked my so-called friend first, and I was very aware of that, but he told me he was over her. She likes to be the center of attention all the time, and she loves it when guys give her attention.This so-called friend is brutally honest all the time, and she knows I hate that, and that I’m very sensitive, but this is the second relationship of mine that somehow she ruined, at least for me. My boyfriend is very nice so far, and affectionate, and it seems like he likes me, but he was very desperate and kind of out of it when he asked me out. Who should I trust? My so-called friend who is manipulative, self-centered and jealous? Or my nice, cute, sweet boyfriend? Which one is lying to me? Is there any hope for this relationship?

Dear Anna:

Be clear and forthright with all your friends – but trust yourself and your mother the most. At 13, and in experiencing early romantic love, your feelings are likely to be very intense. So, while you are annoyed with your girlfriend, I’d suggest you probably need her “brutal honesty” even if you do not like it. She might learn to soften her manner as you learn to stand up to her.

Thanks for writing,

Rod

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Melanie
April 28, 2007 at 5:37 am

My husband told me last night that he’s not in love with me anymore. I am completelly shattered right now. I knew we had problems and we had decided to seek therapy but the last thing I expected was the love bomb. He thinks it can’t be fixed and I had to convince him to try therapy. He is willing to try but I can see that he does not have much hope in it. I an so scared it is too late and that by going to therapy I am putting false hope into our mariage. I don’t know what to do and feel like my whole world just collapsed on me.

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Cyndi
February 26, 2008 at 10:50 am

I also thought that my husband and I could make through anything. We married 10 years ago and I had two daughters from a previous marriage. Things were good. We had a son our first year of marriage. Things were good. We had our fights over kids and money but we always could get back to the love. We had a big explosion about a week ago and decided that we would go to counseling. He told me there that he was not in love with me. I am devistated. I am having a hard time just getting through today. I know I have to keep it together for my kids, but I could just crawl in bed and never get out.

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- Neermah
  March 8, 2010 at 7:21 am
  
  Hi Cyndi,
  
  right now, you can’t really think about anything and you just want to save what remains between you and him. you are in a state of panick, sorrow, shock and desperate.But if you think a bit- the answer is right in front of you. you can’t force someone to love you and if he is not thinking of saving this marriage then he probably don’t want to save it.You thought you found stability in his arms and meanwhile , he has been plotting sothing in his head to get awzy and the first occasion he got , he just xploded everything to you. you got two choices. either you let go and if you dont, then you have to change your attitude towards him. don’t pressurized him on small issues. make as if this aren’t bothering you and that you accept his decision. change you looks. be more joyful. change your hairstyle etc and be attractive. i know its difficult to do all these things specially when you got 3 kids but be courageous!!! good luck
  
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no name
June 8, 2008 at 11:59 am

I’m reading your stories here because I see little hope for a marriage of nearly 23 years. I am sorry for anyone at the mercy of someone who loves, then doesn’t love, then sometimes loves and toys with a spouse. We’ve overcome so many difficulties. It is true I was not an easy person to deal with and my husband had difficulties. I had many illnesses and moods. Just as I become better, he wants freedome to go to happy hours, cruise bars, go on trips with an old female friends recently widowed who he brought into his office and who does the same work and travels with him. He insists he’s appropriate toward her; but he’s not appropriate toward me. He neglects any tender affection. He has withdrawn and does not respond to affection because of my expectations that he stop criticizing me and be less nasty and curt. I am devastated that he refuses to see any positive in 23 years of marriage. Our oldest is in college; we want to use my salary to pay the tuition and help our youngest go to a school also with a high tuition. I tried and worked to improve myself. I am a two year cancer survivor. I went back to school and resumed a career through the genrosity of those that hire locally. I am having surgery on both wrists and can’t do all the work I used to do. Or swim, which helps me stay fit. I am very sad and I can’t concentrate on studies with him telling me he never loved me, that he doesn’t have any feelings for me. I’ve begun to wish revenge, though I used to say I wouldn’t wish migraines on even my enemies. I just had my fiftieth birthday. I’m fairly pretty, but I’m tired of his being nice to everyone except me. I never feel attractive or nice. I am a romantic and I want to celebrate a 25th and 50th anniversary. I want him to appreciate me as hard as I’ve worked to be a better wife and mother. I am very upset and it’s very difficult not to obsess or say que sera sera. He has a good wife and nice family. I’m very upset and see there’s no hope since he’s always telling me to go away. I can be a fuss budget about picking up the house, but this hurtful behavior is unbearable. I am not a manipulative person. I can’t out maneauver hostile and passive agressive tactics. I know people aren’t entitled to relationshiups in life. Nevertheless, I can’t accept this punitive and cold behavior, though there’s plenty of heat and hostility. I’ve worked as hard as I could to be more pleasing, short of the bar cruising and oogling he does in front of me and then denies.
I appreciate the nonimiyt of writing here and maybe a reader will have a more powerful prayer than I. I have to pull myself together to earn an A in a gradulate class, endure another surgery and incapcitation, curtailing of swimming, hope I can type despite the surgery and dress myself. I know there are people worse off than I. That is no consolation. I can’t abide his hard heart.

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- sean
  July 23, 2009 at 1:32 pm
  
  this is a very saddening post. i feel empathetic to youre situation. i am a husband who deeply loves his wife. who believes in true love. honest communication, and passionate sex. i have been married 15 years to a wonderful woman who unfortunately has also not been an easy person to deal with. she has had her illnesses and moods. naturally because i love her i empathized with her when she would go through medical procedures, or have difficulties with her mother. i comforted her. during those years and times, years she was very critical. nasty to me, and curt. i tried to understand maybe i wasnt being nurturing or loving enough for a man. she is not very confident too, although i constantly buy her nice clothes, take her nice places, and she just doesnt seem to feel as beautiful as her peers. i dont understand that either. but i now after 15 years i wish i too had someone who was compatible with me. liked doing the things i like doing. understood that to me there is nothing or no one more beautiful than her on this earth. a woman who just wants to be loved by a man who wants to be loved by a woman(preferably me). i dont want to be a part of a relationship were there is no mutual selflessness. i too pray. my knees are almost worn out. i would never leave my wife. i have never bought anyone into our lives that she could be jealous of(she makes up enough of those herself). nor will i. hopefully she does not become overcome with guilt and find an excuse to leave me. or become so jealous she continues to shut me out and push me away. i hope none of this is happening wih youre husband. if it is, and if you really do still love him. take it from me you still have a chance. there is not much my wife could do to make me abandon her or our kids. actually there is only one thing i know of that allows any man to divorce a woman. at any rate i hope youre husband loves you as much as i love my wife. because you have written this post. it is obvious you have more than the usual concern for him. i hope you find some comfort in this, because i find comfort in youre post. maybe my wife feels like you do, and i just need to try harder. i will. because it is worth it to me. thank you for youre post.
  
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  - Anonymous
    August 25, 2009 at 8:13 am
    
    Sean,
    You sound like the most wonderful man. I hope your wife soon realizes how blessed she is to have you. Perhaps let her read your note. She needs to grow up and get over herself. You, I think, have been perpetuating her behavior. She knows you are ALWAYS going to be there and is really abusing it. She needs a wake up call. You deserve to be appreciated. I hope you both seek counseling, so you both can be happy.
Sad
July 21, 2008 at 11:41 am

Hello No Name,

I have been married for 25yrs. and going through kinda the same thing as you. My husband said he loved me but he was not in-love with me, that killed me. We have two Daughters 25 & 22 and he treats them wonderful and he treats me ok, not like he used to I used to fill that I was the only women he would ever love, and when I found out different …that hurt. He just turned 50 and bought a new harley. My friends tell me he’s going through a mid life crisiss, but whatever it is I wish he would get over it and be my husband again. I know he’ll never be the person he was, because he used to treat me so good and I treated him not so good now that I look back on it. If anyone is going through this please give me some tips on how to get his love back.

Thanks,
Sad

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Lyssa
August 25, 2008 at 7:27 am

I to am dealing with devestation. Yesterday my husband told me that he didn’t want to be married anymore and that he loved me but he didn’t love me the same as he used to. Also that when my youngest who is 11 turns 18 and the all the kids are grown, he will be leaving. He put a time on our marriage and keeps saying he’s staying for the kids. I want him to stay for the kids too but for us as well. I truly love him just as much as I did when we married 17 years ago.
I don’t know what to do. I to feel like crawling up into a ball and pulling the covers over my head and never coming out. I can’t stop crying and I can’t stop think about all the things that he said to me. I love him so much and he has been such a good provider for our family. I just don’t know how to change his mind. I can’t imagine my life with him not in it.

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anyone like me
August 31, 2008 at 5:21 pm

My husband told me he doesn’t feel the same for me no more for about 1 1/2 to 2 years. I feel deviatated and scared for what the future might hold. i just found out I’m pregannt and he wanted me to have an abortion, of course I didn’t agree to that and now wants to divorce me. I love him so much, I can’t believe it. I’ve been going to church and trying to stay strong. I just want my marrage back.

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this is not the end
October 22, 2008 at 11:48 pm

Ladies,

I just passed my 2 year anniversary and my husband told me that he “has no feeling for me”. Oh..and we have a 6 month old daughter. He has been “friends” with a 22 year old and will not end his relationship with her to save our marriage. I am filing for separation/divorce next Friday, leaving his ass (and CA) and never looking back.
We, as women, all have the strength to pick ourselves up and move on. Life is way too short to have our hearts broken by inconsiderate a-holes who only care about themselves. Yeah I was hurt and I cried my heart out…but I love my daughter and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make sure she grows up with a LOVING family and in a HAPPY home. My happiness and hers is more important than trying to chase him as he chases some slut….screw him. Get what you can and pick up the pieces…it will get better. It always does.

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- i will move on
  October 1, 2009 at 6:12 pm
  
  Go girl! I like that. I was just told by my husband that “he doesn’t love me & he don’t like me” in front of my face very phychotically…
  
  He has been talking on skype to argentina with the lady from his highschool everyday when I am at work for 3-4 hours, so I told him I don’t like that.
  Last couple days he had slept in billionaire lady’s house. They are friend from italian class 3 years ago. He got a tile job from her, but why he had to stay there and open the gate for the worker in the morning??? yesterday I found out when I came back from work he wasn’t there… So I called him but he didn’t answer then I left a message said,” if you stayed over night, can you call me to let me know. Communication is very important!!”
  
  Next morning, he called me and he was fine. When he came back from the place he was really upset and told me that he doesn’t love me, and I don’t feel you in my skin etc. I’m tired that you upset about everything..etc
  
  I may put him into the corner, but well, if he thinks about me first (maybe second? after him) , he should communicate with me instead of pissed off…. I guess I gotta give up on him …
  I don’t understand why he can break like that for 8 years of relationship. well, he doesn’t love me so I guess it is nothing for him.
  
  Anyway, yeah! my happiness is more important than trying to get back him. I was crying reading all others posts, but thank you. I feel much better, I am not looking for how to fix, I am looking for how to move on from this selfish & so called kind man except me A-hole…
  
  Reply
also not loved
October 29, 2008 at 11:23 pm

hi, my husband told me a month ago he doesn’t love me no more. We have two daughters 2 and 7 and have been married 9 years. It was soo unexpected. But since he told me I have learned he is talking to his ex-fiance who is going through a divorce and they have been talking since July. I have even caught her at his work visiting after he told me he would not talk to her. Then he told her in front of me he was going to try to work on our marriage and they were over. But recently I found out they were still talking and when she was confronted she said he has apologized about telling her that and he wanted to be with her. He denies it,of course. And still says he wants to work on our marriage for the kids. But, I feel like he is still talking to her and he is just playing me for the fool, I am totally devestated and have to look at him knowing what he has done to our family. I would have never thought he was capable of being sooo cold after all the years and good times together. Now I’m not sure what to do…and I am soooo confused and hurt. I have to put on a happy face in front of the kids and I am so scared they will see a change in me …SO What do you do?

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joining the crowd...
November 5, 2008 at 4:08 pm

Wow.. men are so different then women. Women are typicallly more emotional (sensitive) and that totally works to their advantage. The father of my youngest also just left.. but it was best for the kids as the relationship was rough.
Im reading posts about men who wanted to “stay for the kids” as mine also wanted to.. no way in hell could i do that. I would be so miserable without security. Why would they voice this? If they were truely caring enough to stay for the kids.. why wouldnt they do so and not fill us in on that ugly little detail??? Just act happy as we often do and try to get along, continually trying to make things better hoping that they will.. instead they gotta open their big ignorant mouths and try to kick us while we are down. They hold the power because they dont care if the stay or if they go.

Take the power back. Go back to school, join a community group that interests you, network with other sinlge parents while you plot your new life without him.. get your support system in place then tell him to kiss your ass while you walk out the door!! Dont be afraid, you and the kids do not deserve to live under his conditions like that. There will be plenty of breakdowns along the way (LOL I JUST HAD ONE) but let it happen, its a release, you feel better when its done, and you pull yourself together and feel strong again). Life is TOO short to be staying with someone who is taking advantage of us. Good luck ladies!

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lost in the crowd
November 23, 2008 at 1:26 am

My husband of 3 years told me two days before my birthday that he was not in love with me anymore. It has been about a month and he is acting like we are roommates which makes it hard because we both are attending grad school together. I feel that there is hope but I don’t see him wanting to go get help. I am so confused and have no way to act. I am moody and get mad at a drop of a hat. But I just feel so stupid because I thought that everything was alright. Now if I touch his hand he asks me ‘what am I doing?’ What makes it worse is that my parents are coming for the holiday and he is going to act like nothing is wrong.

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- Denise
  February 3, 2010 at 12:56 pm
  
  I am going through the same thing. I am so sorry for you and I hope someone has an answer.
  
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confused
January 1, 2009 at 8:25 pm

my husband of 12 years told me the day after christmas that he did not love me anymore i caught him texting a co worker 3 months ago when i confronted him he said he would stop come to find out there have a relationship while were married and he been sneakin to her house i cant stop crying i have 3 kids with him and i am so confused

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lori
January 2, 2009 at 12:12 pm

I have been married for 22 years and yesterday my husband told me he is not in love with me. He loves me as the mother of his children but that is it. He promised he would not divorce and put our children through that. I do not want to put our children through that either. I am scarred and how I will now treat him. I no longer understand my role as a wife. Do I continue to wash his clothes? Do I cook for him? Do I sleep in the same bed or take the couch? I do not know what to do. I am devistated.

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oyla
January 2, 2009 at 6:32 pm

i made a promise to my boyfriend of 7 months that i would always be there for him when he needed me. when he needed me one day, i could not be there. he said he felt “let down” and very mad and sad about what happened. Now, almost a week later, he still wont let it go. i saw him last night and we had a wonderful night until one minute he suddenly changed; he went from being happy and cuddly and laughing to reserved, mad and ignoring me. i was so confused and it tore me apart. i know i need to fix this and i need to tell him something that will put him at ease again. he has a bit of a temper and whenever we have problems sometimes it lashes out, but he always keeps his promises to me and treated me very well. i know this isn’t the end of our relationship but i need some guidance and to what to do to fix this. i need to restore his trust in me and i would like to make him happy again. i talk to him a moderate amount and i feel we have had a healthy relationship with its ups and downs. and in the past, i’ve always found something to say and i have always found something that cheers him up in a couple minutes. i need help on what to say to him and how to stop this from happening again.

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Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
January 3, 2009 at 8:56 am

Say something like: “I am sorry I did not meet your expectations but it is unloving of you to hold onto this. Rather, focus on controlling your temper. If you’re like this (demanding, moody, attention seeking, immature) when we are dating what are you going to be like if we marry? And, take care of your own happiness. It is a far too big of an assignment to put on me or anyone else.”

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maryann
January 3, 2009 at 4:39 pm

My husband just break my heart a month to our 4 years of marriage, he told me his love for me is gone & that he had no feeling for me anymore, he just took me like a friend, am in a state of shock! have been crying & begging him to come back & at the same time i found out that he is having an affar but i did know for how long, i think it was nov2007,but he told me the affair is over but he is still in touch with her & he never care to even hav sex with me anymore,am in pains because i still love him & want my marriage back,what should i do?

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Ava
January 13, 2009 at 10:03 pm

My boyfriend of 10 years, says he doesn’t love me anymore and is tired of pretending. I feel like I just lost my bestfriend, that the great guy I meet died a long time ago, and I have been living with a stranger. I don’t understand how a man can go out evernight and drink while he has a beauitful women at home? I know he’s not seeing or has a interested in anyone, he claims he just wants to be alone. I know he is getting brian washed by his brother who has had a failed married and is nothing but a loser in life and would hate to see his brother happy. His brother has always put me down, and has gone as far to call me ugly. This is a sad situation because I feel like my boyfriend has had enough and is letting his brother win! I know in my heart my boyfriend is a good guy with good intentions, and is throwing away are relationship to make his brother happy. Any advice would be appreciated!! thank

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Allison
January 14, 2009 at 8:02 pm

Last night my boyfriend of 3 years told me he didn’t care about our relationship anymore, and that he didn’t really care about anything anymore.Then he said that he wasn’t as attracted to me anymore as he used to be. He claims that he wants to be alone, and that he doesn’t want to find someone else. What is dissapointing is that this guy used to be the “perfect” boyfriend, I am not even exaggerating. Is this depression? He doesn’t show any other symptoms. I am just confused and hurt. We decided after a loooong talk, to stay together still. But after reading all these comments I’m afraid that a number of years down the line he will do the same thing. I think it would be better if we broke up, and I think I could find a better man. But I am too afraid to leave because I really love him. It doesn’t make sense to me that he could stop caring about our relationship, if you love someone then you want to be with them right?! Like another respondent posted, I too have begun to feel like my boyfriends roommate, and it has sucked all the romance out of our relationship. But he wasn’t that romantic to begin with. It’s just odd. After reading all these comments I really do think we would all be better off leaving these men or letting them leave. And let them live alone with their insecurities. Honestly when did a good home life, family, wife and mother become too much for a guy to handle? It makes no sense except for that there’s something wrong with them.

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MSCT
January 26, 2009 at 5:18 pm

My husband of 4 months says we fight too much and that he is done trying… I am so hurt, he told me he didn’t believe in divorce a year ago… and now he won’t even talk about his decision with me… I love him deeply and would do anything… if he would try one more time but every time we talk he just says he doesn’t want to be married.

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alex
January 29, 2009 at 5:47 am

Hi all,
My husband left last week after only 4 months marriage. We had been together for over 1 year and we loved each other to the point that we both considered to be each other’s soulmates.
At the beginning of May I found out I was pregnant and since I am 44 and thought I couldn’t, I was over the moon!! It was bliss until I miscarried in June. I was devastaded and felt unable to cope and moody. But my then boyfriend was very supportive that I thought I got thru it. In September we got married. Notice that he is 9 years younger and he wanted to change career and was studying to be a personal trainer. During that time I supported him financially. In October we decided to do IVF to get pregnant, I had to take loads for hormones for that, but eventually I got pregnant. At the beginning of December my company informed me that I would be made redundant due to the financial crisis. My husband just got a job in a gym but it took a while for him to be able to start contributing. He has 2 children from a previous marriage for whom he pays child support.
During the hormon therapy my moods were awful and we had many fights and everytime he couldn’t ‘deal’ with me he went to his parents.
On New Year’s Eve I miscarried again.
Now, I understand that pressure from working a new job and long hours made him very tired, my moods didin’t help, mony pressure etc. but we talked and I said to him that I needed time to process my own emotions and patience on his side.
The last straw happened when he came to me for money to go see his children. I just freaked and shouted that I had enough and wanted a divorce.
We had a massive row, he threw things, name calling and in the end he left and told me he would never come back as I WASN’T the persone he had fallen in love anymore.
I am not justifying my behaviour, but under the circumstances I expected a little more understanding of what had happened in a short period of time and all the stress that we both had to suffer.
He said he couldn’t cope with me, that I made his life unbearable and he didn’t love me although when he picked up his things he said he cares for me and he wants me to be well and happy.
I am devastated as I believed and still believe in our marriage, that we could have work it out, and all we both needed was time to adjust.

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Britt
March 3, 2009 at 2:26 pm

My husband has been acting strange since dec 08. I’ve been trying to pry from him whatever was bothering him, but we would just get into these talks that led to nothing. He stopped saying ‘i love you too’ on the phone about a week ago, and it hurt so bad for him not to say it back that i finally told him we need to have a serious talk. he didnt actually tell me that he didnt love me, but i would keep asking if he did or why he didnt and he wouldnt respond. the only thing he told me is that he has bottled up so many emotions/problems over the past year that they just festered inside and he rotted away with them. he wants to get help but we cannot afford it right now. i’ve always told him to tell me how he feels or if something i am doing is wrong, but he just keeps everything inside. now he is a lifeless shell that goes through the same routine every day. what do i do? i want to tell him i love him but it hurts to hear ‘okay’ in response.

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Bettina
March 7, 2009 at 11:43 pm

Britt Im having the exact same problem. I have/had a loving consistant husband. Who without fail for 7-8 years has told me he loves me and thinks im beautiful every day, texting me 10 time a day and calling me. Always by my side- never went out with his mates much, even when I went out with mine he would either come or he would stay home- usually to watch a game on tv or because he’s had to get up early to work the next. He was very nurturing and did almost anything for me! I feel like a princess and couldn’t believe what a great husband I had!

He’s a hard worker and gets up really early and does like 13 hour days and works Mon-Sat and even Sundays some times. I want to believe that maybe he’s burnt out and over his head finacially and that is the root of his problem?

Like you, I noticed a change in him from around christmas time 08. He’s been going out more with his mates, had problems with work, stressed out, started to withdraw. Its gotten to the point now that he doesnt even kiss me hello or goodbye, doesnt text me anymore. He says he feels caged up atm with everything and he just wants to be alone to reflect. He feels we have grown apart. He is not feeling sexual at all and doesnt want to go there until he has sorted it out in his mind. He swares that he is not having an affair.

We have agreed to go see a councillor. I know what I want sorted out, I’m just not sure that he does! I hope it works out and that this councillor helps.

At this point I am just not understanding the dramatic shift in his feelings, when not long ago he was telling me that he couldnt imagine life without me and if anything happened he wouldnt be able to live with out me?

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Mandy
March 16, 2009 at 12:35 am

LORI –

I’ve been married for 17 years and I have a similiar story to yours.

We have a daylight basement with bedroom/bathroom and my husband has moved down there at my request. He’s been living downstairs since October. He told me he had “a” love for me, but didn’t love me like he should. So I grieved, and then told him I couldn’t share my bedroom with him anymore. He understood and agreed. Neither one of us wants to divorce. The situation, while sad, is working out just fine. Someone said to me, “How can you begin to heal when you are in the process of being hurt?”. It made me think. And I knew that I needed my own space, and my own room where rejection was a constant thing. For now…..it’s a solution.

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ASY
December 27, 2009 at 2:48 pm

I’ve been with my partner for 8 yrs. he’s 4yrs younger and this was an issue to me before I committed to this relationship. I’ve been very vocal yet submissive in all aspects. i enjoy exchanging ideas not knowing he found it as argumentative and confrontational. Now he is very resentful and unhappy. I reassure him with my love everyday; and him the opposite. I have to reassure myself and this is difficult when we are no longer intimate for the past 4yrs. we’ve been so engrossed at work and lost everything that we regarded to as quality time. As a way of self-fulfillment, I gained a lot and now feel so ugly. I enrolled in a gym, eat healthy, reach out to him whenever possible, and serve him as I always did.

I am willing to change to be able to fix us but he remains cold, indifferent, judgmental, and verbally hurtful. I take responsibility for this change in him bec of what he endured in our initial years together unknowing that I suppressed his emotions and thoughts by raising mine. Everyday is a personal conflict and I am not always strong to have the right perspective.

I love him.

He told me to keep our promise to each other… never to let go, but he is taking every opportunity to prove me wrong, selfish, pretentious, a control freak, etc.. Every time I try to start a conversation, he winces and often times say “it’s not important to me” and so I automatically take the queue to shut up. I cannot show him my love and end up holding back on him at times bec I was accused of being selfish. He said I do these things to keep him happy so that he will STAY with me. I have never heard this in my entire life and I am lost. We make the life of our partner good bec we love them and it becomes our happiness to see them happy. I never saw it in this light of being selfish.

Can we still be saved or is it time to throw in the towel? Bible says to voice out your thoughts and emotions but support on his decision. Is this still normal?

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brokenhearted107
January 31, 2010 at 4:57 pm

Hi,

I’m turning 30 this year and my husband will turn 34. After 4 years of marriage, my husband told me he sometimes wished he was free. Free to do what he wanted, free to go where he wanted. We have a 3 year old son. My husband says he loves our son so very much. That everything he does is for our son. That his whole life is for our son. There was no more ‘me’ in there. Only last year, he had included me in those statements. He says he cares about me but the love has faded.

He won’t divorce me, because of our son. I was devastated. I’m only turning 30 this year and feel like my whole world has come crashing down. I lost my father when I was 27 and now I’ve lost my husband.

We’ve decided to keep living together. I know it’s for the wrong reasons. But what else can I do. I’ve accepted that my marriage is over but I really don’t know what to do right now.

All I can do is keep praying to God to give me the strength to overcome the future.

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Rosi
October 19, 2010 at 1:46 pm

My husband of 5 years told me he doesn’t love me, he want to be just friends, we have a 1 year old kid. He is still living with me and ask me to have sex but at the end no hugs or kisses on the mouth, he said he got tired of me being so needy. Why is he still willing to have sex?. I told him I will go away in two weeks go back to my country and he ask me to stay more weeks cause he want his kid so much and he wants to figure it out how we are going to raise him. He seems very confident and treats me in a polite way, last night I hug him. He said that we had too much disagreements and that he is tired of fighthing for getting a good marriage with me and that he just realized that does not love me anymore and do not want to do any effort to get it right this time, however still want sex.. Please advise.

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katrina
January 30, 2011 at 3:13 pm

i have been with my husband for 13 years and we have been marry for five years and he just told me he dont think he is in love with me anymore my heart just hurt so bad i i dont no what to do please help me

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